Dear sweet offspring,
Let me be perfectly clear about one thing: I see that you are trying. I really do. But, oh my word, after seeing the results of your last attempt at cleaning your rooms, I feel like making you all eye appointments. Really.
I shouldn’t have to remind you that I will check the corners. I figure you know I have eyes, and that items don’t magically vanish just because you shove them into a corner. So, guess what? I can still see all the stuff. Every single piece.
Yes, the middle of the floor might be clear, and I’ll give you that. But a pile of stuffed animals, papers, pencils, glitter, and random garbage lurking in every corner means your room is not actually clean. We’ve been over this.
Also, let’s talk closets. Closet doors should be able to shut. If there’s too much junk piled in front of them, preventing them from doing their one job—keeping your mess contained—your room is not clean. And if I can shut the doors but opening them triggers an avalanche of toys and stinky socks, that still counts as “not clean.”
If your dresser drawers are gaping open like your wardrobe is trying to make a hasty escape, your room is not clean. If I walk into the bathroom and find every cabinet door wide open, towels draped across the floor, and a half-used toilet paper roll lying in a puddle while the empty one sits untouched, the bathroom is not clean.
The kitchen? Same story. Dishes might be done, but crumbs covering the counters, a tower of recycling threatening collapse by the sink, and a dirty pot on the stove I don’t even want to touch means the kitchen is not clean. The playroom? Seven stray socks hiding Lego pieces and spaceships stacked in precarious towers next to the couch? Not clean. Not even close.
Now, let me be clear—you are loved. You are cherished. But, my dear ones, you are not fooling anyone. No one is impressed by half-assery.
Do it right the first time. Do it fully, completely, with corners checked and doors shut. Then I won’t look like a crazy person with smoke coming out of my ears. Then you won’t have to sit through this lecture every single time it’s cleaning day. Doesn’t that sound better? I believe in you. I know you can do this.
Love,
Your Mom
(Who is starting to wonder if maybe you’re just messing with me, because really??)
