My son came home yesterday with a bite mark on his arm, and here’s what I did about it:
Nothing.
His arm was bandaged, he was smiling, and I signed the incident report—which noted he didn’t even cry at the time. I trust his teachers handled it appropriately with the other child, and that’s enough for me.
Do I need to be upset? Not at all. Do I need to place blame on the other child or their parents? Absolutely not. Children are wonderfully unpredictable little people. Sometimes, despite our best plans and expectations for good behavior, they make choices we wouldn’t. They push boundaries, test limits, and occasionally, in moments of frustration, they bite.
I’ve learned the best way to respond in these situations is relational, not reactional. Instead of reacting emotionally, I focus on understanding the child who made the mistake. All children are learning, my son included, and that requires empathy. I never want him to be hurt, but I also understand that raising children means guiding little humans with their own will, their own emotions, and sometimes their own ways—which won’t always align with ours.
Not all children bite, hit, or push—but I can’t think of a single child who hasn’t needed correction at some point, whether it’s learning to not throw food or to pick up toys. Our job as parents and caregivers is to guide them, not assign blame. In this case, as long as the other child’s parents and teachers are addressing the behavior and offering alternatives to biting, my son was simply a bystander in another child’s learning process—and I’m perfectly okay with that.
My son may have been on the receiving end this time, but he’s also been the pusher in the past. I remember feeling awful then—helpless, frustrated that I couldn’t control his behavior. I would have given anything for just one parent to look at me and say, “I’ve been there too. It’s okay.”
So to the parents of the child who bit mine: it’s okay. Your child is learning, just like mine. He’s doing his best, and so are you. This wasn’t bullying, and it wasn’t intentional. It was simply a three-year-old expressing frustration in the only way he knew how. He will learn, and grow. And my son? He got an opportunity to practice his own growth. Six months ago, he might have retaliated. Now? He shrugged it off and went back to playing.
He’s fine—and your child will be too.
We’re on the same team.
Love,
A mother who’s been there
