My son came home yesterday with a bite mark on his arm, and here’s what I did about it:
Nothing.
His arm was bandaged, he was smiling, and I signed an incident report that noted he hadn’t even cried when it happened. I trust his teachers completely to have handled it appropriately with the other child.
Do I need to be upset about it just because it happened? Not at all. Do I need to assign blame to the other child or their parents? Absolutely not. Children are wonderfully unpredictable little humans. They don’t always follow our plans or our expectations. Sometimes, they act out in ways that surprise or even frustrate us. When that happens, I’ve learned the best approach is to be relational rather than reactional. Instead of responding emotionally to what went wrong, I try to connect, to understand, and to see the learning opportunity.
It’s easy to take this approach here because all children are learning, my son included. He deserves empathy, and so does the child who bit him. While I never want my son to be hurt, I also know we are raising children with their own wills and personalities. Sometimes those personalities lead to behavior that’s disappointing or in need of guidance—and that’s part of growing up.
Not every child bites, hits, or pushes, but I can’t think of a single one who hasn’t needed some form of correction—whether that’s learning not to throw food, put away toys, or play safely with peers. Our role as parents and teachers is to guide them, not to assign blame. As long as the adults involved are correcting the behavior and showing the child a better way to act, my son’s bite mark is just part of another child’s learning curve. And that’s perfectly okay with me.
My son has also been the pusher, the instigator, the one learning the hard way. I remember how awful it felt, not being able to control him, wishing desperately for another parent to look at me and say, “I’ve been there too. It’s okay.”
So, to the parents of the child who bit mine: it’s okay. Your little one is learning, just like my son is. This wasn’t bullying, and it wasn’t intentional. It was a three-year-old struggling to express frustration in words and using teeth instead. He will grow past it, and in the meantime, my son has had a chance to show his own growth. Six months ago, he might have retaliated. Yesterday, he took it in stride and moved on to play.
He’s fine—and your child will be too.
We’re on the same team.
With love,
A mother who’s been there
